Musings of a Dad Man I

I have had a few kids over the past 2.5 years (OK, 2 kids to be exact) and I have learned a few things. I know a few of my friends have recently had, are soon to have, or may be planning on having some kids of their own. So as a gift to these lucky future dads, I am going to pass on my extremely insightful wisdom to help you through you journey ahead. Now if only any of them read my blog... oh well. For everyone else who probably doesn't give a rats ass, here are the key things that I learned about being a dad to a baby, or two:

- Babies are a lot like hobbits. They are small and eat like 7 times a day

- You will need to learn an entirely new vocabulary. There were words I never new existed 3 years ago. For example: Burp cloth, Dreft, breast pump, Baby Bjorn, and lactation consultant.

- Babies are also a lot like puppies. They will pee/poop anywhere, any time, and they don't like watching sports as much as you wish they did.

- I have no idea why, but girls seem to like puppies, bunnies, ferries, princesses, and wearing dresses. Boys seem to also like puppies, and beating on things.

- There was something about sleep I was going to mention, but I am too damn tired to remember it right now.

- Your wife will go totally ape shit insane during pregnancy. Don't blame them, it's the hormones and sleep deprivation. I have no idea if they ever get better.

- Like the NBA season, babies are pretty useless for 6 months. After that, they can be very entertaining, and worth watching.

- Kids really really really really really really really really really really really dig Christmas.

If you just know these simple things, well, you just might... ummm... carry on exactly as your were.