My teams

Just to be clear, my teams are in order of preference:

1. Cal Football

2. Mariners

3. Seahawks

4. UW

5. Any MLB team playing the Yankees

6. Any other Cal sport, (ie swimming, track and field)

7. Tie: Pac 10 teams I am indifferent on (Oregons, Arizonas, WSU, UCLA)

8. Sharapova, Hantucova, Vaidisova, Kournikova, any other female tennis player ending in “ova” really

9. Chelsea F.C.

10. The US National Soccer team

11. Any other US National team (except the National basketball team)

12. The Seattle Thunderbirds (semi-pro hockey)

13. The Seattle / KC Supersonics

14. Any other NFL team

15. Any team or individual-sport athlete not on this list in any sport, at any level (including NHL)

16. The rest of the NBA

17. The US National basketball team

18. USC

19. Yankees

20. Stanfurd

Paws and Stink

Dog Bites, by the numbers:

(Note: I hate "by the numbers" type articles. That said, I hate blogging too, so maybe they cancel each other out)

0 - The number of lawyers CBS has put on Survivor in the 14 seasons (7 years) since Boom Boom sued them following season 1

1 - The number of guys I know that work in a basement / cave

3 - The number of minutes of stand up comedy my family is making everyone perform (on stage, at The Seattle Underground) this Christmas

6 - The number of Those Aren't Pillows posts in August

7 - The number of home runs A-Rod had in the 5 games from 9/4 to 9/9. Boras is going to get this guy $30M a year, no problem

8 - Cal's national rank today. GO BEARS

8 - Number of picks I got right in Week 1 of the "Ultimate Cup" football pick'em pool. Same as a coin. Suck it Trebec

9 - The place my fantasy baseball team will end up this year. @#$*!

15 - The number of losses the Mariners had in the 17-game stretch from August 25th to September 11

15 - The number of Mariner fans left this season that thought we still had a playoff chance on September 12 (note a 40-man roster)

16 - The age Charlotte says she will turn on her third birthday this fall. (same as Ariel)

43 - The number of fake dollars I have made in my first day of trading on "ProTrade.com" where people can invest fake money in sports teams and players. The 43 fake dollars represents a 1-day return of 0.18% or roughly 69% annualized on my $23,000 fake account. In other words, I need to somehow get a life

49 - The number of points Kevbo put up in Week 1 of The Monkey League, fantasy football

58 - The number of points Weaver put up in Week 1 of The Monkey League

63 - The number of points our randomly selected "Monkey Team" put up in Week 1 of The Monkey League

80 - The number of wing flaps a hummingbird has in 1 second

95 - The score (out of 100) that I rated the terribleness of this blog posting. (for perspective, "The Return of Sleep Apnea" got an 85

The Return of Sleep Apnea

For as long as I can remember, I have been involved in this "Ultimate Cup" football pick'em league. Basically you pay $100 at the beginning of the NFL season, then pick the winner (with the spread) for every NFL game each week, and then 17 weeks later you question the intelligence of wagering $100 basically on 256 coin flips. That said, the league commish is a crazy SOB named Spencer who is exceptionally entertaining in a Sports Guy "unintentional comedy" kind of way. For example, today he just sent out the odds for Week 2 of the NFL, and in the email complained about the return of his severe sleep apnea, and how that has put him on the couch watching sports center, and that's why the picks are out early.

I GUARANTEE you that this is the only NFL pick'em league in America where you will read the words "return of sleep apnea" in the weekly news letter. Isn't this worth the $100 entry fee? You NEVER know what this guy will talk about. Just to put it in perspective, this was like the 50th most random e-mail that Spencer has sent out to roughly 100 people in his league.

And shouldn't the "Return of Sleep Apnea" be on some "Worst Movie Titles of All Time" list? Actually, it does sound like a pretty sweet horror flick, no?

THE RETURN OF SLEEP APNEA

Pleasant dreams.

Halloween Costumes

With only a month and change left before the big day, it's time to discuss what the kids are going to wear this Halloween. Thankfully Charlotte was very clear that she wanted to be Ariel (from the Little Mermaid) for about the past 2.5 years. Yes, she's about 2.8 now. Her grandma Mary is picking out the costume, and right when she was ordering it, Charlotte HAD to be Snow White. "NOT ARIEL." I am OK with this. The Ariel costumes with the sea shell bras and the fish tails seemed a bit sketchy to me anyway. Thankfully the change was made and the correct costume was ordered, and Charlotte will make a wonderful Snow White. Which surely means her final choice will be Ariel when the day gets closer. Whatever, the girl is taken care of. Now, the boy.

I certainly will NOT allow Ryan to be put in something like a "cute" (read: "lame") Baby Sailor costume that could cause serious damage to his psyche if he sees the pictures later in life. For god's sake, his sister dresses him in tutu's any chance she gets. Let's get a MANLY costume, and at least give the boy the option of not being gay if he so chooses.

Mostly I have seen parents err on the side of WAY TOO CUTE costumes for their babies; which gets you results like "Baby Snowman", "Baby Butterfly" or "Baby Pumpkin" (OK, I have to admit, Charlotte was a pretty cute Baby Pumpkin at age 1, but this is about RYAN. Remember the tutu issue). For another example, see exhibit D: Bjorn,_Baby .

So on to the real options:

I think "Baby Yoda" or "Baby Darth Vader" have REAL potential for Ry-ry. They're tough, and I think would get him some good street cred to bank for use later in life. Just imagine on the playground in a few years... "HEY PUMPKIN, IT'S DARTH. REMEMBER ME?"

Oooh yes.




Baby Gorilla. A true classic. I might have to fight him for this one though. How can you go wrong with a Gorilla costume on Halloween? Even before I really knew Jason Bennett in college, he showed up at a party in a full-on Gorilla costume, and I knew he was all right. This is almost a no brainer.

Unless... is there some way to combine the toughness of a Star Wars Baby Darth / Baby Yoda costume with the classical nature of the Baby Gorilla costume? OH MY GOD, it's so simple. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a WINNER. I present to you: BABY CHEWBACCA. Our work here is done. Now I just have to convince my wife...