Dog Bites Pillow

The trivia highlight of my life came last week at Tonic in SF when I nailed the question: What actor cameoed as the dead grandfather in the movie Beer Fest? Having never seen the movie, I correctly answered "Donald Sutherland".

The trivia lowlight of my life came shortly later that same evening at Tonic when I nailed the question: What movie is the following quote from: [paraphrased] "Those are my lines. He's stealing my moves. And he stole her underwear, that's just sick". Having seen the movie, I correctly answered "Hitch".

I was driving along the 580 in Oakland and saw a cheesy dude in a Lexus with the vanity license plate "TUNA 307". WTF does that mean? What's the point of a vanity plate that can only be understood by the driver? Well, I'd be damned if I was going to be on the outside of this joke. I hit Google fast and hard, and found out that the world record for a Yellowfin Tuna, was a 307 pound beauty found off the coast of Sydney. When free diver Greg Pickering saw this natural wonder, he did what any nature loving aquatic admirer would do, he speared the fish through the head and dragged it in to be weighed. WELL PLAYED GREG! Please feel free to flick off TUNA 307 if you Bay Areans ever cross his path.

There is also a chance that TUNA 307 is just some poor dude nicknamed Tuna from Wyoming (Area Code 307). Awe hell, either way this guy should be flicked off. Vanity plates are annoying.

I take it back. The "80's HOT" prize does in fact go to Sharon Stone from the movie "Total Recall"

Do young adults still make "Mix Tapes" for romantic interests of theirs? If so, what do they call them? "Mix CD's" ? OK, still outdated. Do people just shoot a text message instead saying something like "I just gifted you a play list of songs to your i-tunes account that I thought you might like"?

This blog peaked with the words "Banana Hammock".

Monkey Collage

I run a fantasy football league called The Monkey League. Part of the charm of the league is that we try to beat a team that a monkey could pick, a randomly selected "Monkey Team"; and so the league was named.

Part of my own amusement in this league is that each week I try to post on the league home page a picture of a monkey doing something related to the team he's playing. For example, if he is playing the team "Angry Marmot" I would ideally have a picture of a monkey piling an unhappy marmot. Ideally, I say. More often than not, it's just a picture of a monkey doing something ridiculous. But what does this have to do with you? Well, nothing. Not unless you want to see a collage of a few hundred pictures of monkeys, and surprisingly a few pictures of former Chicago quarterback Kyle Orton, drunk at some bar. Because that is precisely what I have created for you.

Some blogs don't have monkey collages, they just don't see the point I guess. We here at TWDB however don't buy into the gobledeegook that a blog has to feature SEX or PORN for people to read it. Maybe that's why nobody reads us. Well if nothing else, we sure as shit understand the importance of a good old fashioned monkey collage. So grab your favorite cup of something, and sit back and enjoy...

(you can click to enlarge the monkey collage if you wish. be sure to pan left and right too, to see the entire collage)

Dog Bites

Now that the Yankees have lost, I could give a rat's ass who wins the World Series.

Last week, news was "leaked" by ESPN that Alex Smith was facing season ending surgery after separating his shoulder in his last game. On Protrade, his stock spiraled, and I shorted him knowing that it would go down even further. Well, they were reporting crap that someone posted on a blog, and it turns out he's only out a few weeks. Reason number 8 million why reading blogs is a waste of time. And reason #1 why my protrade account lost 4 grand.

In case you were wondering, on my home-cave office desk I have three bobbleheads (Oski, Tedford, and Ichiro), two windup toys, an AT-AT, a Mariner's lunch box and two Edgar Martinez statues, pictures of my wife and kids, two SEC handbooks, a few dozen comic books, the complete quote book from "Snakes on a Plane", a fantasy baseball scorecard autographed by Frank Catalonotto, an authentic bowling pin from Hollywood Star Lanes, and a mechanical talking monkey head.

Sharon Stone in Total Recall might define "80's Hot", but it also might be Mia Sara from Ferris Bueller, or Elizabeth Shue from, well, any of her movies.

This past season, the 7 Cedars Casino has been advertising during all Mariners games the absolute CHEAPEST sweepstakes of all time. It was called the 7-7-7 sweepstakes. Each game one lucky "winner" was eligible to win 7 grand, if the M's put up 7 runs in the 7th inning. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? How many times this season do you think they paid it out? Well, zero. And only 7 grand? I think the probability-weighted payout for each participant of has got to be in the pennies. Perhaps the cheapest casino ever.

"Baby Dragon" is the most likely winner for Ryan's Halloween costume. Charlotte is now Princess Jazmine.

I need to adjust my favorite teams listing to include the caveat that it's OK to root for Stanfurd if and only if they are playing USC and in beating them Cal will be ranked #2 in the Nation.

Holy crap. Cal is ranked #2 in the NATION (not just California).

I saw that my local 30th anniversary R2-D2 public mailbox has been taken down. Well, just the outside part. Now there is just an awkwardly wide, stupid looking mailbox there.

I just won a fantasy football bet where I get to order two friends to take a tequila shot, four separate times, at ANY point during the Cal - UW game weekend. I think one will come the second they wake up, one with breakfast, one with lunch, and one "terminator" late in the evening. Not too close together... I don't want them to get drunk from them and get any benefit.

Recently my wife told me that I should go to the Cal - UCLA game and enjoy a great party filled weekend in L.A. with the boys. As these "away" weekends are rare and (no offense to the kids) exceptionally fun, I was very excited about this. The next day she checked the calendar and realized that she invited over house guests that weekend... no can go. I felt like Publishers Clearinghouse just bounced a check to me.

YES, I need permission to leave town for a party weekend. You'll understand it when you have kids.