Pay Rod

Alex Rodriguez will forever be on my list of baseball players I would rather see flattened by a steamroller, so I can better pogo-stick on their body, than see live a long happy life. Damn this guy though if he is not trying to win me over like he's won back the thousands of fickle Yankee Fans who would take him over Jeter in a heartbeat right now. Pay-Rod is on my fantasy team this year. Now, he was not supposed to be there at the 10th overall pick, but there he was, smiling his perfectly orthodontured smile, f-ing up the plan.

I wanted to draft Miguel Cabrera. He plays third base too, and he's younger, supposedly has more potential, and well, isn't A-Rod. I like Miguel Cabrera. He was the best player on my team last year. He is everything that is good in baseball. Miguel is Obiwan, and Alex is Darth. But there he was where he should not have been. Mr. $255 Million, available with the 10th overall draft pick. I just knew this was his swan song, his last attempt to totally screw with my life.

So what does he do? 14 games into the season he's hit 10 home runs, making A.L. history, has 26 RBIs, and is by FAR the best player in baseball, no question. And this doesn't even stress how CLUTCH his hitting has been. Like last night for example. Are you kidding me?

You can also tell that these are not "Chris Shelton" home runs (Chris is on the list too). You can see this performance continuing through the season. He has that same pretty, perfect swing he's always had (everything about A-Hole is "pretty", isn't it? I think that's why New Yorkers try to hate him so much), and he hits in the middle of the best lineup perhaps ever put together in baseball. Now I know he wont have 100 home runs and 300 RBI's this season, I mean, that would be silly. Right? (insert nervous laugh) But what if he wins this fantasy baseball season for me? What do I do? The pillars of my world are shaking.