Baseball Owies

I have noticed that baseball players from other cultures often don't get the public relations side of baseball. Early in the season, Dice-K Matsuzaka (you know him, the overrated $100MM man from Japan?) explained his recent struggles on poor sleeping conditions while on the road.

Matsuzaka told reporters he may have come up with a solution for the next road trip. He did not wish to share it, Japanese reporters said, because he preferred not to have people wondering or imagining how he looked while he slept.

Now all I can do is picture Daisuke in his PJ's. OK, right now, I want you to NOT think about a white elephant. OK, go.

This story reminded me though of the "Fat Pussy Toad" Hideki Irabu who missed a start due to "straining his arm while washing his hair". A side not on Irabu-san. When Steinbrenner called him the "Fat Pussy Toad", the middle word actually rhymed with "fussy", and meant "full of puss", and did NOT refer to the female genetalia.

This was also reminicent of Seattle closer Kazuhiro Sasaki who went on the DL when he strained his neck while carrying his luggage. These guys are just too honorable to lie like their American counterparts who would have strained their neck from "lifting weights" or "being in a bar fight."

These guys should take a lesson from Jeff Kent or Aaron Boone. When you do something stupid, and hurt yourself, think long and hard about your reasons. Talk to your publicist, lawyer, and confidants. There is no room for the honest truth there. No you didn't hurt your knee while trying out your Evil Knievel impersonation on your motorcycle during Spring Training (thus obviously voiding your player contract with the Giants), you accidentally slipped off a step ladder while washing your pickup. And no Aaron, you didn't fall in the shower, you hurt your ankle while playing pickup hoops (thus oviously voiding your player contract. OK, maybe a bad example. At least pickup hoops sounds better).

In all fairness to the men from Nippon though, their stupid sounding injuries probably don't even crack the top 20 in "all time stupid injuries by baseball players" list. Last year Clint Barmes of the Rockies missed half the season for falling while carrying deer meat for god's sake. And, maybe the best, Glenallen Hill of the Bluejays once tumbled out of bed and crashed into a glass table while having a nightmare about being covered in spiders.